Hoax
by whyitisyou
Summary: The truth behind the Starkid Cult. How they are using their plays for world domination.


Hoax

The truth behind the Starkid cult:

Moonboy looked at his watch one more time and grunted. The Grand Master would be pissed. But what could he do if the Emperor lived in another dimension where time worked differently? Being Messenger Boy was a sucky job; but it was the only one with flexible hours that would pay for his dance lessons.

He climbed the stairs three at a time and only stopped by the door of the Great Hall, catching his breath. He rested his hands on his knees and waited for the head rush to fade. The voices of the High Council where chatting animatedly inside. Maybe he would be spared this time if the Grand Master was amused… It was his only hope. He opened the door cautiously making the least noise possible and was pleased to hear the punch line of a joke:

"… and they still believe Hogwarts is in Scotland!"

He finally entered the room taking advantage of the atmosphere of laughter. He cleared his throat to announce his arrival.

The Grand Master immediately stopped laughing and stared at him with one eyebrow raised:

"Moonboy! Did your moonshoes stopped you from getting here on time?"

The boy shifted his weight between his feet and answered looking at his feet:

"S-s-sorry, sire. I was talking to the Emperor and the connection with the Galactic League was very slow."

The boy dared look up and the Grand Master simply rolled his eyes. Moonboy swallowed hard and muttered:

"Th-th-they weren't pleased to know the Musical in High School Plan wasn't successful."

The English Dame sighed:

"We've put so much hope in the Zeffron agent…"

The Grand Master touched her hand reassuringly:

"Don't worry; we have the next step all programmed out. Let's open tonight's ceremony so we can start discussing the real deal…"

All the members of the High Council around the table pulled their hoods up their heads and waited for the Grand Master to start. He stood up and took a deep breath:

"Welcoooooooome all of you to Hogwarts!"

They all chanted back monotonically in a Gregorian way:

"It's gonna be totally awesome."

The Grand Master sat back down and started the meeting:

"My dearest friends on the High Council, we all know the Musical in High School Plan failed and that the Galactic League isn't pleased. However, we have taken the issue to our research team and they have come to the conclusion that plan was a failure because we used agents from our lowest squad."

"But that's their job!"

The Grand Master raised his hand to interrupt the affronted Counselor.

"I know… I know. But the Galactic League won't accept yet another failure and they are pressuring for results. We won't survive much longer here without delivering something consistent. After much discussion, our research team came with an innovative proposition that I'll now like to present to you: we'll use higher ranked members to do the next Sensorial Tasteless Appearance of General Exposition."

The English Dame looked at him intrigued:

"Do you mean the Camp Team? We have important mission for them!"

The Grand Master scratched his forehead:

"Yes, yes. However, the new plan is to put them, with others, to boost their send-out."

"Others, Grand Master?"

He looked at the excitant Counselor and smiled encouragingly:

"Yes! That's the point I'm trying to get. They want the highest ranked to be sent out on the next attempt."

Another Counselor asked confused:

"How could this help boost the Camp Team endeavors?"

Moonboy stepped in reading from his clipboard:

"Ex-ex-excuse me. The plans sent from the research team, named S.T.A.G.E., says that it will: a) help or missionary be recognized among the other missionaries and b) prepared the Messiah to go on his journey alone to New York City."

One of the Counselors whacked the table:

"Sending only one man to the Messiah Journey is absuuuurd!"

The Grand Master looked patiently at him:

"That's why we'll prepare him…"

The English Dame cleared her throat:

"Grand Master? If I'm not mistaken; the only members higher ranked than the Camp Team are us."

The Grand Master grinned marauder:

"You're not mistaken, my dear."

She looked astonished:

"Do you think we can do it?"

His grin grew larger as he turned to Moonboy:

"Go tell Specs to bring Experiment 626."

The boy nodded and quitted the room to find the scientist. The Grand Master turned back to the Council:

"My dears, with this new device our confidence will be in just the perfect level to start world domination. Once you've seen it; you'll understand… "

The High Council speculated about the turnouts of this plan and some even doubted the Grand Master's sanity. The English Dame kept observing him. She knew he had high confidence in this plan by the way he scratched his beard. Moonboy took several minutes before running back in out of breath:

"Sh-sh-she's here!"

Specs calmly followed him in pushing a cart covered. She turned to them and smiled:

"Hello High Council. It's a pleasure to be here. I've been personally inspecting this project and our test results this device will be able to charm them out their socks by impersonating the wizard-boy Team J.K. launched a couple years ago. The Grand Master and I agreed that the Galactic League would approve of us reinforcing their most successful attack. We'll join Experiment 626 impersonating the adventures of the wizard-boy in the next S.T.A.G.E. attempt. With no further ado; I present to you Experiment 626."

She pulled the cover and a blinding pink gleamed took over the room. The Council "oh-ed" and "ah-ed" unable to articulate a sentence. The Grand Master grinned pleased. He raised his goblet to Specs:

"Good job."

She nodded:

"Thanks, Grand Master. I like the results too. The only problem is that we need those high-transmissions wired to be exposed. But I think the design team found a good solution disguising them as curly hair."

The English Dame was finally able to babble a sentence:

"Isn't he a little short?"

Specs looked from the prototype to the lady. She confirmed some numbers in her clipboard and answered:

"Irrelevant. You're only under this impression because you haven't seen him in sing mode."

She turned on a switch and the prototype began to sing "It's gonna be totally awesome" with a head-bang and much more tunes than the usual Council salutation. A big round of applause filled the room. Everyone was so amazed by the exquisite Experiment 626 that no one noticed the little pajama-wearing-teddy-bear-carrying who just entered the room.

However, soon enough a high-pitched squeeze caught the English Dame's attention:

"Johnny?"

The old lady elbowed High Council Member John on the ribs. He turned purple as a beet as he walked towards his little sister:

"Stupid little sister; didn't I tell you to say in the room?"

"Bu-but I heard noises, Johnny!"

The Counselors exchanged looks while Specs walked the prototype back to her lab. The Grand Master cleared his throat:

"High Council Member _Johnny, _would you care to explain why is your little sister on the castle?"

Johnny pinched his sister without anyone noticing as he turned to the Grand Master:

"I'm sorry, sir; but my mother ordered me to bring her along because she couldn't be home alone."

The Grand Master pursed his lips. Johnny lowered his head knowing what would happen next. Moonboy stepped ahead:

"Should I?"

The Grand Master approved and Johnny handed his sister over to the Messenger Boy. All the Council Members were taking colored-framed sunglasses from their pockets while Moonboy walked the girl to a big chair in the other side of the room. He sat her down and secured her head to the chair back with a light-blue headband. He tried to hide all the emotions from his voice:

"You'll look straight into that lion's eyes and you'll see a pretty light.

Moonboy put his own glasses on just in time to avoid the laser beam that exited Rumbleroar's eyes and scanned the room.


End file.
